


Failed Departures

by quirkypunk



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angsty Bucky, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, desperate steve, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quirkypunk/pseuds/quirkypunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky tries to leave and Steve acts up. Also fluff. Lot's of fluff if you wait a little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Failed Departures

**Author's Note:**

> Not my best but I needed to get rid of my angsty stucky feels so here you go. Hope it's decent xD

Steve woke up to the sound of a creaking door. He’d always been a light sleeper but with Bucky finally recovering from all of hydra’s antics, he was now napping like a dog.

“Buck?” he asked tiredly as his bare feet padded into the living room of their apartment.

There was no reply but he could see his best friend’s shadow holding something that looked kinda square at their entrance.

“Buck what’s going on? Where’re you heading?” Steve asked as he shook the last of his sleepiness off of him with a hand through his bed-head.

Sighing Bucky set the square thing down and Steve realised it was a suitcase.

“Bucky what’s going on?” Steve asked again but he could feel his panic rising.

The other man took a while to reply and fidgeted with his hair before shrugging as a response.

“Is that your suitcase? Buck where were you going?” Steve asked desperately even though he was already assembling the puzzle pieces in his head.

“I don’t know Steve. I don’t know where I’m going.” Bucky finally said with a little too much aggression in his voice as he stared into Steve’s eyes brashly.

“What does that mean? Why were you leaving in the middle of the night Buck? For fucksake I would’ve been sick not knowing where you were!” Steve said as his voice rose and desperate confused anger gave way.

“I left a note Steve.” Bucky said as he pointed at their fridge. “And I’m still going. I just didn’t want it to have to be like this.”

“What do you mean you’re still going? Buck you live with me remember? We live together. We’re best friends and we’re there for each other and we don’t leave in the middle of the night with a suitcase and a fucking note.” Steve replied angrily as he stepped closer to Bucky’s calm figure.

“Steve I’m leaving.” the brown-haired man said simply as his face sat expressionless to Steve’s desperation.

The blonde shook his head and Steve looked about ready to break something but as always, he managed to calm down.  
Grasping at his blond crown of hair and refusing to look at Bucky, Steve turned his back to his friend and waited until he felt calm enough to speak.

“Why? Why are you leaving?” he asked when he trusted himself enough to speak without yelling.

“Because I can’t be here Steve.” Bucky replied.

“Why? I’ve been trying so fucking hard to make sure you’re happy. What’ve I done wrong?” Steve asked as a hot hurt ran through his veins.

“Steve it’s not you fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t be here.” Bucky sighed as he struggled to explain.

“Tell me why Bucky. I deserve that much.” Steve said with his voice still shaking in repressed anger and hurt. 

“I don’t fit in with you. I’m not who you think I am. I’m not the same Bucky and I’m not your best friend. I’m not the boy you fought for Steve. I’m whatever hydra left me to be and I know that that’s not Bucky.” the brown-haired man said.

“I know that Bucky. I know you’re not the same and that there’s still some of the soldier left but you’re still who I’d fight for.” Steve reasoned as he turned to meet Bucky’s lost eyes.

“No I’m not. Steve don’t you understand? Your best friend isn’t here.” Bucky said gesturing to himself as he allowed himself emotion again. “All that’s here is me, and who knows what the fuck that is? I don’t even remember most of what Bucky, the real Bucky, did with you Steve. I don’t know you like you think I do. You’ve been incredibly nice and done everything to set me straight but it’s not happening Steve. I’m not him.” Bucky claimed with his eyebrows furrowed and shoulders tense.

“Fuck that Bucky. You’re still you. You still act like you do and you still talk like you do and sure you don’t remember everything but hey, I guess that happens when you’ve been brainwashed. I’d still fight for you because I know that all that’s changed is some memories. You’ve lost stuff for sure and maybe you’ve lost stuff with me forever but that doesn’t change what we are Buck. You’re my best friend and I’m with you Buck. I’m with you.” Steve replied trying to reason as he looked pleadingly into Bucky’s face.

The brown-haired man just shook his head as his eyes dimmed and reached to pick up the suitcase.

“Stop. Fucking stop Bucky.” Steve pleaded reaching for it before the other man could grab it.

“I’m leaving Steve. I need to figure myself out.” Bucky entreated with desperate eyes. “Please just let me go. I don’t know who you are to me. I don’t understand anything Steve. I need to leave and think things out.”

“Go think in your room Buck. Or take a walk or go to the gym or something but don’t leave me. You promised that you never would and I’ll hold it against you if you do. I need you here Buck. With me. In this apartment.” Steve begged, hands still holding the suitcase.

Bucky shook his head again and stopped his attempt at getting the suitcase back.  
Before he even knew what he was thinking, he saw Steve bolt to block the doorway… The blonde seemed to know everything Bucky did even before he did it.

“You’re not fucking leaving Buck. You’re not walking out of this door. You can’t do that to me.” Steve said as he tried to believe in his own words.

Suddenly angry, Bucky felt the situation start to eat at him.

“Well I’m not fucking yours Steve! I belonged to hydra for most of my fucking life and you can’t take away the little freedom I’ve gained the moment it goes against what you want! I’m a person Steve. Like it or not… and you liked Bucky so can’t you just accept that you don’t like me?” Bucky asked as he slowly stepped closer to the other man.

“I do like you Bucky. If you weren’t you I wouldn’t be doing all of this. Sure you’re not the same person you used to be but you don’t understand who I was to you Buck. You don’t understand and maybe that doesn’t matter but I’ve done nothing but help you since you’ve come back so can’t you just admit that I’m trying and that I’ve fucking helped a lot? Out there, you’re all you got and the world has changed so much Bucky. I want to be here for you. You can do what you want but I’m not letting you sentence yourself to homelessness and fucking identity disorder. You remember more everyday and I know you don’t understand me yet but you will Buck. I know you will and from that I think you’ll feel better. We did everything together Buck. If you remember some of those things you’ll understand why I won’t leave you Buck. I won’t leave you and I can’t let you leave me with no where to go.” Steve explained hopelessly.

“Why don’t you just tell me then? Tell me about whatever fucking rainbows and unicorns friendship we had and see that it doesn’t matter to me Steve. It can’t matter to me now because I’m not the person who looked out for you. I would love to be, I really fucking would, but I’m not. I’m not anymore and I’m really sorry about that but you can’t expect it of me.” Bucky argued trying to find a way past Steve’s unrelenting figure.

“I was yours Bucky. We were together. We did everything together. We even fucking lived together. Can’t you understand that? I loved you Buck. I do. Why won’t you just see it?” Steve asked but Bucky wasn’t letting himself hear it.

“Well I relieve you of your duties Steve. You don’t have to follow me around and do everything for me because I can’t for you. We don’t do everything together in the same way anymore and I don’t think we ever will.”

“No Bucky you don’t understand! I loved you. Fucking making out in the rain loved you and we were together. We were _dating_ Bucky. You were my _boyfriend_.” Steve yelled over-articulating each romantically implied word to try and make Bucky understand.

Stunned the brown-haired man felt all his anger vanish. He struggled to remember all the scenes that led to what Steve was spelling out for him but he only got one.

“I remember something.” he said quietly to Steve.

“What is it?” the blond asked as his shoulders relaxed and his voice softened.

“It’s not much but I remember when we were alone for the first time after you rescued me from hydra’s first attempt.” Bucky said.

“You do? What do you remember?” Steve asked, letting the rest of his anger leave him and sliding down the wall slowly until he was sat down looking up at the lost Bucky.

“You didn’t know if I was okay. I remember we were together in your tent and you were trying to come off as if everything was normal but then you kissed me and I started crying.” Bucky said as his eyes glazed in memory.

“I started crying because I realised how easily I could’ve lost you forever. I didn’t realise that when I was with Hydra cuz I was too out of it from the torture. When you were there though. When you were there there it was all too much. I think I really loved you Steve.”

Steve nodded slowly. “You told me so after I calmed you down. That was the first time you ever told me that.” Steve said cautiously.

“But I did for so long. I loved you for a long time before that I think. I just didn’t want to tell you because it was too much already.” Bucky nodded as he had a moment of nostalgic sadness.

Steve kept looking at him and realised just how out-of-sync Bucky really was with his own life.  
Before the blond could say anything, Bucky sat as well so they were both at eye level.

“Steve can I do something? Not leave. I just want to see if it’s still there.” Bucky asked.

“See if what’s still there?”

“I don’t know. Can I do something though?” he repeated.

Steve nodded but his eyes narrowed and his senses heightened as he prepared himself to stop Bucky if he did anything that would hurt himself.  
Bucky smiled lightly at the blonde’s obvious change in demeanour but moved closer to make sure he’d do it right.  
Hesitantly but in one quick motion, Bucky pinned Steve’s head onto the wall by connecting their mouths.  
Surprised, Steve instinctively started to move away but Bucky put his own hands on top of the blonde’s so that Steve could only pull away if he really wanted to.  
The superhero stopped and quickly got used to the feeling of Bucky’s weight on his lap. Gently moving his hands from under Bucky’s, Steve placed them on the familiar shape of Bucky’s waist.  
The brown-haired man had always been the more dominant one in their relationship so even though he’d become lost and insecure, he still took it upon himself to lead their bodies to the couch.  
Bucky was touching every inch of Steve that he could get to and when they reached the goal, he laid the blonde down gently… Never breaking contact.  
They kissed for a while longer and it felt new and old and normal. Steve had missed it. Missed it a lot. He gave Bucky all the energy he had left before they both got out of breath.  
Bucky relented to gravity as their contact broke and let himself plop down onto Steve’s body.

“Geez you’ve gotten heavier.” Steve laughed in response as he prodded Bucky’s body and tried to lighten the air between them since it really didn’t want to be there.

Smiling Bucky shifted so that he had more room and Steve’s body was forced to curl around him or fall off the couch.

“I like the way you feel.” Bucky said simply as he finally met Steve’s gaze full on.

Reddening, the blonde laid his head down onto Bucky’s chest.

“Was it there? Whatever you were looking for?” Steve asked after their energy levels had dropped.

“What do you think?” Bucky laughed hoisting Steve closer with one arm.

Grinning Steve rolled on top. 

“I haven’t kissed anyone like that in a long time.” he said, elbows resting on Bucky’s chest and dimples on full display.

“I think I’m happy about that.” Bucky replied as his eyes brightened.

“Mhmm.” Steve smiled and resumed to lying down and savouring the heat of Bucky’s torso on his. 

“I understand Steve. Why it’s best for me to stay. But I think I also want this now.” Bucky said hesitantly.

“This this?” Steve asked gesturing at the two of them and their hopelessly entangled bodies.

Bucky nodded.

“Thank god.” the blonde admitted and suddenly stood up.

“Where’re you going?” Bucky asked.

“Taking you to bed. I’m tired.” Steve said and lifted Bucky off of the couch before the other man knew what was happening.

“What no, I’m so uncomfortable. You’re the princess Steve.” Bucky laughed trying to regain some of his masculine composure while being carried bridal style by a 6’2 block of muscle.

“Maybe but I’m tired and you wouldn’t be moving anytime soon if I left you there.” Steve laughed, finally reaching his room and tossing Bucky onto his bed.

“I’d have followed you anywhere.” Bucky grinned. “Except maybe anywhere outside.”

“Sshhh. Go to sleep.” the blonde smiled climbing in next to Bucky and wrapping himself around the familiar body as the other man shifted into a less literally-thrown-on-the-bed position.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Promise to be here when I wake up?” Steve asked.

“I’m with you till the end of the line.” Bucky mouthed into Steve’s chest cheesily as he settled into sleep.

“Damn right.” the blonde smiled and slowly stroked Bucky’s brown mop of hair as they both fell into dreaming.


End file.
